No, not the guy who turned you down for a car loan

Q: What is the "Lloyds Bank turd"?

A: The largest specimen of fossilized human excrement ever discovered, produced around 1,000 years ago by a presumably dyspeptic Viking (weren't they all?) on the future site of the Lloyds Bank branch in York, England, after what archaelologists speculate must have been several days of, um, gastric quiescence.

That is, it was the largest until about three years ago, when it was inadvertently dropped to the floor by a schoolteacher during a field trip, and broken into three pieces, no doubt to the great excitement of his or her class. At last report it was being carefully reassembled by expert conservators. It had been insured for £20,000, but I don't know whether casualty by schoolteacher was an insured event under the policy.

If you're so idle and bored that you're reading this on a pleasant Friday afternoon, I dare you to write a sermon about it. Or an RE lesson. Either will do.